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Barberton, Ohio, USA   |   September 22, 2018   |   Alio.sk
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This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are.

 

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

 

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

 

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

 

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

 

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

 

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

 
INCENSE: Holy Smoke!
 

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams.

 

JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.

 

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

 

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. (For you non-Catholics it means Lord have mercy.)

 

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

 

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.)

 

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

 

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking

for seats.
 

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

 

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

 

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

 

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.




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